


Begin Again

by DreamTillDawn



Category: The Walking Dead (TV), The Walking Dead - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coda, F/M, Fix-It, Mid Season Finale, Spoilers, bethyl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-02-27 18:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2702789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamTillDawn/pseuds/DreamTillDawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beth smiled sweetly, threat outlined in the tone of every word. “No one is getting hurt today.” One hand reached towards the other, pulling out something from beneath her cast. “Not unless someone comes at you, right?”</p>
<p>Beth lives, but the song still ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coda

“Go back,” She whispered to Noah, pulling out of the hug slowly. Her eyes were brimming with tears but filled with fiery determination.

Noah paused, his feet shuffling in a stumbling half step. “Beth-,”

“Now,” Beth ordered. Her tone was harsh and final, no room for arguments or song.

“Beth, he is-,”

“Coming with us,” Beth cut Dawn off. She spun towards the cop looking a foot taller with authority lifting her up. “So that he can go home, and you will let him.”

A scowl crossed Dawn’s face, one Beth well recognized as one that was usually followed by pain on her part. “You don’t give orders.”

“You’re right,” Beth conceded with a nod. “I don’t give orders. You do, and you will let him go.”

She turned to look at Noah, giving him a harsh glare for still being frozen. He began edging back slowly, her eyes following him for a moment before flickering over the group behind her. Beth locked eyes with Rick for a moment and then, for a fleeting second, with Daryl. A twitch of a smile tugged at her mouth before she turned back to Dawn.

The cop and the survivor stared each other down, Dawn’s hand twitching towards the gun on her hip instinctively. “Beth, you and I both know that you don’t want to start something that will get people hurt.”

Beth smiled sweetly, threat outlined in the tone of every word. “No one is getting hurt today.” One hand reached towards the other, pulling out something from beneath her cast. “Not unless someone comes at you, right?”

Dawn’s hand locked around her gun but froze when she saw what Beth was holding. Both sides of the standoff leaned for a better look, trying to see what was clutched in Beth’s hand. The blonde extended her hand slowly, holding out the object towards Dawn. Dawn took her hand off her gun, extending her hand palm up to receive the object.

“The price for Noah has already been paid.” Beth said, opening her hand to drop the wrapped candy into Dawn’s palm. “I told myself I’d never speak of it, but I’m saying it now.”

Staring at the lollipop for a long moment, Dawn said nothing. The green candy’s color seemed to reflect on the woman’s face for a second, and then her palm closed. The symbol was gone from view save for the bit of white stem sticking out of Dawn’s tightly closed fist.

“You think that sets us even?”

“I think if the price I paid to them,” Beth pointed an accusing finger towards the group of cops behind Dawn. Her hand dropped after Dawn’s gaze flickered back to her subordinates. “Isn't enough, then the price I paid you should be.”

With that Beth reached into her back pocket, pulling out another object that Rick recognized immediately. The badge came into clear view, a bit of material still clinging to it from where it had torn off O’Donnell’s uniform. Dawn went pale, snatching the badge from Beth’s hands before anyone behind her got a good enough look at it. She glared at Beth, a gleam in her eye that screamed her breaking point was coming.

Beth however, wasn't planning on being around when that breaking point was reached. She began to back away, not turning her back for a moment to Dawn until she stood beside Rick once more. Dawn finally nodded, half turning away as she tucked the badge into her pocket along with the lollipop. Beth turned, walking straight past the group towards the doors.

Her heart was racing, pressure rising in her chest and throat. “Keep walking and don’t stop until we’re far away from here,” She commanded when she heard their footsteps following.

“Beth,” Someone called out to her. She couldn't recognize the voice over the pounding in her ears. “Beth!”

The light was nearly blinding outside. The appearance of people, living people, coming her way was nearly enough to stop her. No, she doesn't want there to be a second lost in putting distance between her family and that hospital. There can be no time for Dawn to break and her officers to take over. Dawn will let them go, Beth knows that, but her officers won’t if Dawn breaks before they’re far enough gone.

The gate is open.

Arms, Beth feels arms wrapping around her, but not from the front. They’re coming from behind. She’s stopped walking, just standing there staring at the open gate surrounded by dead walkers. The hug is achingly familiar, but reversed from what she remembers. It’s almost enough to make her smile, the switch of roles the two of them are now playing. Her hands reach up slowly, grasp his arms where they’re so tight around her that they should hurt but she wishes they were tighter still.  
Her knees give out, and he bends to lift her up. It’s another familiar position, her arms lifting to wrap around his neck while he carries her bridal style through the gate. Maggie’s crying, hovering and circling but Rick has given orders to move out and Maggie responds to that.

It takes several drops on her face for Beth to realize that Daryl is crying. It takes several drops because Beth, despite all her claims to not cry anymore, is crying too. “I was going to track you down you know,” She says.

Daryl laughs, low and without sound except a harsh huff from deep in his chest that almost sounds like he’s choking. “I missed you.”

Her arms wrap tighter around his neck, lifting up a bit to whisper in his ear. “You don’t have to carry me.”

A huff is his first response. “Not letting you go anywhere Greene.”

 

The house they’re in is small, but it has a sturdy looking fence around it to keep out the walkers for the night. They cover the windows as best they can and light candles to see. Water is currently being filtered and there is canned food found that’s edible in the back of one of the cabinets.

The couch belongs to Beth, Daryl and Maggie. Glenn is perched on the arm of Maggie’s side, half his gaze always on his wife as she stares at Beth curled into Daryl’s side. The sisters had hugged and cried when Daryl finally set Beth down. The moment they’d separated though the archer was back at the younger Greene’s side and she was just as glued to him. Maggie was as perplexed at the change as she was thrilled beyond belief to see her sister alive.

Carl sat on the floor with Judith in his lap leaning against the arm of Daryl’s side. He kept throwing glances at them, Judith having caught sight of Beth was becoming a handful. The girl obviously recognized Beth, and the fact Beth had already held her for most of the walk to the house seemed unimportant. Judith wanted to be back in her foster mother’s care, but Beth was a bit preoccupied being a blonde cat curled into the side of a gruff tabby cat twice her size.

The rest of the group was set in a circle around the room, branching off from the couch to take seats against the walls or on the rest of the furniture. All eyes however remained on the couch, or at least kept returning to it. The newest group members, Noah, Terra, Abraham, Rosita and Eugene, seemed the least curious, though they were quick to pick up on the strangeness of the sight from the others. Noah didn't seem to find it strange at all, secretive smiles crossing his face whenever he looked at the two like he’d been waiting for the sight after hospital sleepovers filled with admissions of devotion.

There’d been no such sleepovers, but Noah hadn't been an idiot. They’d talked about who was waiting for Beth on the outside, if only briefly. What surprised him most was what had gone down at the hospital. His smiles faded quickly each time they came as the image popped back into his mind. The two were battling each other. On one side was the happy image before him and on the other was the lollipop dropping into Dawn’s hand. Beth had paid a price, and Noah had a very good idea at what that was. Only a few days had passed, but he knew the officers of the hospital were not slow with their actions when they wanted something.

“Beth.” It was Maggie that spoke. Her tone was hesitant, but her face told the story. It was something she had to know. “Did you get those cuts from when they hit you with their car?”

The blonde tensed, her whole body going rigid. Daryl’s arm around her shifted, holding her a bit tighter as he searched for some way to comfort her. “The one on my cheek is,” Beth responded. “The other is from Dawn beating me as punishment for trying to escape and helping Noah get out.”

Maggie turned pale in the darkness, having to look away from her sister. Glenn reached down a hand to grip Maggie’s, squeezing gently. Maggie looked up at Glenn, his eyes telling her a gentle reminder that Beth was the one who had suffered. The elder Greene nodded twice, one to Glenn and once to herself. It was Beth she needed to help before she let her own guilt overcome her.

“It was the same as what happened to Joan right,” Noah asked suddenly. He was staring at the floor intently, turned so only the profile of his body was facing the couch. “That’s what the lollipop was about. That was the price you paid. But I don’t understand the badge. What price came with the badge?”

This time Beth spoke without hesitation. “I killed O’Donnell. I pushed him down the elevator shaft. I smashed Gorman over the head with a jar of those stupid lollipops so he’d fall over and Joan’s corpse could eat him alive. She wanted them both dead and so I got away with it.”

The group was silent, absorbing the information. They didn't need to know why she’d killed the two. None of them were in the position to question killing another. Beth, at least, they knew wouldn't kill without good reason.

Judith squirmed in Carl’s arms, her tiny limbs kicking and reaching towards Beth. She reached down, retrieving Judith from Carl to let the girl sit on her lap and grab at her hair and clothes. Michonne smiled at the two from her spot next to Rick across the room.

“She’s probably hoping you’ll sing to her.”

A hard look crossed Beth’s face, her head tilting to rest on Daryl’s shoulder. “I don’t sing anymore.”


	2. You can't go back

                Beth insists on getting a turn at watch duty. Compared to the others she’s the best fed and rested. She doesn’t mention the fact sleep wouldn’t come to her if she tried. There was a nagging feeling eating at her, keeping her looking over her shoulder even when there’s a wall to her back. She’s restless, feigning sleep sprawled across the couch with her feet in Daryl’s lap until Maggie wakes her.

                She and Daryl took the midnight shift together. Either way Daryl was forced to wake up to let go of his grip on Beth’s ankle. Throwing him a smile in the dark Beth maneuvered through the maze of bodies paying attention to who was sleeping grouped together. The two hunters were silent, moving swiftly and efficiently through their rounds.

                The fence was well made and the group’s careful silence had kept any walkers from coming their way. Still, the wood slats only came up to Beth’s shoulder, an awkward height at best. It would hold back a couple of walkers but it also left a lot of attention to be gained if too many spotted them patrolling at once. They sat on the steps for awhile, well shadowed by the fence.

                “Can I see that?”

                Daryl jerked in surprise, looking to Beth. “What?” She pointed to his crossbow. “Yeah… Go ‘head.”

                Beth lifted it off his lap, placing it into her own. She fiddled with the parts in the moonlight, running her fingers along the arrows and the bow string. “Guns are nice and all, but I really liked learning how to use this.”

                He hummed a gruff sound, shuffling his feet for a moment. “Gotta keep teaching you how to use it, that last shot a’yours wouldn’t kill a thing.”

                Scoffing she handed the crossbow back, a small smile crossing her face. “I’ll get better.” Beth took a breath, about to say something more when an uneven thud of footsteps sounded behind them. They both turned, catching sight of Noah coming up behind them. “Hey…”

                “Hey… I was hoping to talk to you,” Noah’s gaze darted to Daryl and back to Beth.

                The archer got the idea, standing and slinging the crossbow over one shoulder. “Gonna check the back.”

                Noah waited, watching as Daryl went around the side of the house out of view before sitting beside Beth. The two were silent for a minute, absorbing the silence in peace. Shivers ran over Beth’s skin each time a walker’s growl drifted towards them through the darkness.

                “I’m sorry.”

                She looked to Noah, quirking a brow at him. “For what? It’s not your fault Dawn is insane,” Beth whispered back to him.

                Shaking his head he replied, “No, not for that. For asking that stuff in front of your group. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

                “They would have asked anyways.”

                “But they wouldn’t have known the meaning.”

                Beth chewed on the inside of her cheek thoughtfully. “They still don’t, and they won’t ask. My sister will, maybe Rick or Michonne… Carol, but them only if they need to know or think I need to talk about it. I… I know they don’t care that I’ve killed anyone. Technically I’ve killed one more than I even told them, but that was completely by accident, giving him the wrong medicine.”

                “And the lollipop thing?”

                She shrugged, “My sister was sexually assaulted by the man who attacked our home and killed our Dad. She’s fine.”

                “But she wasn’t-,”

                “No,” Beth cut him off. “No, she wasn't, and I was. But that doesn't matter. I have to be strong. I _need_ to be strong.”

                “You are strong. It doesn't matter what Dawn thinks.”

                They stared at each other for a moment before Beth replied. “In the end she said I was strong. She said she misjudged me.”

                “Then you know-,”

                “It’s not about what other people think,” Beth stopped herself, mindful that her voice was rising as she got angry. Taking a deep breath she sighed, trying to relax. “It’s not about what other people think… It’s about what I think… of myself. I have to think of myself as… I have to know that I’m strong, for myself. With this group it doesn't matter who you are or how strong you are. We've got each other’s backs.”

                “Then why,” Noah questioned. He was running a hand down his bad leg in a way that made Beth think he wasn't aware of the action. “Why worry so much about it? It’s a trauma. It’s okay to be affected by it.”

                She stood, walking to the fence to peer out. There were a few shadows moving in the distance. They were far down the moonlit street. It was almost impossible to view them in the darkness. “Because this whole world is one big trauma now,” Beth replied letting the words carry in the silence. “You learn to handle them, or you let them break you. You can’t go back.”

                Noah didn't reply. A minute passed, then two. Finally Beth heard the creek of the steps as he stood. She half expected him to come up to her. Instead the door clicked shut after a few seconds. That left Beth alone and Daryl somewhere on the other side of the house.

                Leaning forward Beth put her arms up on the fence, resting her head on her crossed arms. Eyes roaming back and forth she kept a close eye out for walkers, keeping tabs on those in the distance. A flash caught her eye, reflecting what moonlight was available. She stiffened, straightening to attention. The flash didn't come again. Whatever it was had shifted.

                _“They caught Bob by surprise. Took him and ate him. We killed them all, but…” Sasha’s voice broke and then hardened. “But no one should go out alone anymore. We’re stronger together.”_

_Beth nodded, shifting Judith to her other hip. “I couldn't agree more,” She replied with her gaze focused on Daryl. He was only two steps ahead, never getting much farther than that._

Beth backed away from the fence quickly, drawing Daryl’s knife from her side. She was glad to have it back on her hip. She was even gladder to feel its weight in her hands as she shifted her weight back and forth waiting for something to happen. Beth was well aware her hair was a good beacon to aim at, but there wasn’t much she could do about that already standing out in the open.

                It almost felt laughable, standing out in the open daring someone to come at her. The old Beth would have run for help. The present Beth was already scolding herself for not immediately alerting the others. But there were more threats than strange flashes in the night. Sounding the alarm meant alerting the increasing number of shifting bodies in the distance that dinner was close by. Beth started backing up slowly.

                The flash came again, a glint in the distance as someone ran between houses. Whoever was there was getting away. Beth grit her teeth, making a split second decision to hop the fence and take off running. The thud of her sneakers on the ground echoed in her ears along with her heartbeat. She veered off to run parallel down the houses, gaining ground on the sidewalk rather than using backyards. Three houses down she turned hard left between two houses, barreling into the woman running. The two of them rolled, flinging apart as they skidded to a stop. The stranger yelped at the scrape of gravel on her skin.

                “What the hell,” She hissed, scrambling to her feet as Beth did the same.

                Both girls faced each other with knives raised. “Who are you,” Beth demanded. She listened to the moans of a walker nearby keeping it on her radar.  They were going to have company soon.

                “I was just looking, you didn’t have to attack me.”

                They were both panting. Beth’s hand twitched from the grip she had on her knife. There was too much danger around this far away from the house. If Daryl returned he wouldn’t be able to see her and she had no clue what was around her.

                “Are you with a group?”

                The stranger huffed. “As if I’d tell you. Now, let’s part ways and get out of here before we’ve got walkers trying to eat us.”

                Beth was reluctant to agree. The stranger didn’t look like a threat. Beth could see the moonlight glint off the metal knife dully, the flash. The only visible weapon was the knife. Blue eyes glared Beth down from a face shadowed in the dark. Beth could make out the darker lines of scars on the woman’s face but nothing else.

                “Information for information,” She said.

                Beth paused, surprised by the statement. “What do you want to know?”

                “What do you know of the white cross cars?”

                Now that really had Beth pausing. “The ones that take people?” The woman nodded stiffly. “They go to Atlanta. I just got out-,”

                “Is everyone from there dead?”

                Beth shook her head, “No, my group negotiated by kidnapping some of their own for a trade for me and another.”

                A few seconds passed. The woman looked to be judging Beth’s truthfulness. The stranger shifted, sheathing her knife as her posture relaxed considerably. “Damn.”

                “How’d you know about-,”

                “Just asking around. Figure people in the area might know a little...” The woman sighed, shaking her head at the ground. “Thanks for the info. See you around.”

                “Wait a second- I can’t-,”

                “Let a threat walk away,” She looked back over her shoulder at Beth as she walked away. “Get your instincts in line hon. You gotta know the good from the bad in your gut.” Her eyes shifted to look past Beth. “Walker behind you.”

                Beth spun, bringing the knife up into the head of a man. He stiffened, his body jerking slightly as he slumped to his knees, supported only by the knife Beth had up through his chin. Blood spurted out of his mouth onto Beth’s shirt.

                “Oops, did I say walker?”

                Yanking her knife from the dead man Beth spun to the woman ready for a fight. The stranger was gone. Beth’s shoulders slumped in defeat. Her eyes drifted down to the knife, wondering what to do about the whole situation.

                She blinked, holding the knife up to the light better. There was no blood. She looked down at her shirt, seeing no blood splatter. Beth turned, looking at the body lying on the ground. The uniform was near perfect except for the torn off patch of fabric where his badge should have been.

                Slapping a hand up to cover her mouth was all Beth could do to keep from screaming. The air gasping into her lungs was choking her. Her heart was too loud with the sound of blood pumping roaring in her ears.

                _“You can’t go back.”_

                Beth closed her eyes and when she opened them again the body was gone.


	3. Burning

                Beth got back to the house quickly, careful not to make any noise. She was panting when she reached the porch, landing so hard she caused a loud thump, falling to her side before straightening up quickly. She straightened, leaning back as casually as possible while trying to breathe normal as Daryl came jogging around the corner. His eyes went to her first, then all around her for danger.

                She ducked her head, staring at her lap to keep him from seeing her face just in case it was red from the exertion. His footsteps were nearly completely silent, his way of moving as fascinating as it had been before they’d been separated. When he reached the porch, Daryl stood at the bottom of the steps for a long moment until Beth finally looked up at him slowly.

                “I fell over when I sat down,” Beth muttered, figuring the embarrassment was better than admitting she’d just done something so completely foolish and reckless that her father should come back from the dead just to tell her how stupid it was.

                Daryl huffed, his shoulders shaking a bit in some kind of cross between withheld laughter and excruciating pain. He sat across from her silently on the porch, the two of them making an eerily familiar picture that sparked in her mind. Moonshine couldn’t cloud that memory if it tried its hardest. Beth Greene wouldn’t forget that night.

                There’s so much they need to say to each other, so much left unsaid, a lifetime of however long they’ve got to live to say so much more. But for all she wants to say and do and all she wants to curl back up against his side again she can’t cross the short distance between them once more. It’s like they’re back at that cabin, but the house isn’t burning and they aren’t losing each other right after being found because they’re already lost again. And she still wants to hear the words straight from his mouth, in his voice, and not in some wild dream she had filled with blind hope that just maybe he feels the way she had been starting to. She lost herself in the flames that night and she was so desperate to throw herself back into the fire and burn again.

                “Back on a porch,” Beth mutters, cursing herself silently for being so stupid.

                “Yeah…”

                “I…” She pauses, because she’s not the same person and maybe after learning what’s happened in their time apart he won’t like who she is. Beth doesn’t care what he’s done since she saw him last, as long as he’s there, even miles away across the porch steps. “I guess I’m not a good person anymore, huh?” Beth’s mind flashes back to just moment before. Was it a trick of her mind? Was she going crazy? It made her head hurt to think about.

                "You're all the good I could never be," He murmured, looking at her in that way, that one way. Beth knew he'd never look anyone else in the eye with that look, always turn his head instead. But he never missed a chance to look her straight in the eye like that, like- she didn't dare put it in words- even if he stared at the ground or anywhere else after.

                "No," Beth shook her head. "You’re so many kinds of good it would take me too long and too many songs to list'em all. You're plenty good Daryl Dixon, plenty enough and more. You're all the strength I could never be."

                His eyes, having been peering up at her from his ducked head, snapped up in a look that bordered on fury. She knew that look too, had seen it in that old cabin they'd burned down when he'd been burning moonshine in his bloodstream and needed to exhale fire.

                "You're just as strong as I am."

                "Prove it."

                The startled expression on his face nearly made her laugh, would have if the situation hadn't been so serious. It faded quickly, his brows drawing together, face scrunched lightly in thought. Daryl shifted, starting to lean forward, leg extending out from where he'd had it drawn up against him. The forward motion transitioning out of that mirror image of the cabin porch paused, Daryl looking her overly slowly. A pained look crossed his face, before he settled back against the post, right back where they started so long ago- sitting across from each other on a porch with the need to burn down whatever barrier was holding them back.

                But Beth couldn't tell what the barrier was this time. The thought crossed her mind to go burn another house down, but she could only imagine how much Rick would balk at that idea. It wouldn't be productive anyways, though it might draw a few walkers away as they made their retreat. Daryl would probably chuckle, throw up a middle finger at the burning structure and just maybe tuck her under one arm as he slung his crossbow over his shoulder with the other. Yes, she suddenly very much wanted to burn another house down.

                "Don'know what you want from me."

                The question pulled her from her visions of heated flames and Daryl's arms abruptly, Beth sitting a little straighter and trying not to blush- too hard. "Don'know what you want to give."

                Daryl frowned at that, eyeing her warily. He didn't seem to like it when she threw his words back at him, always trying to coax him out of his shell, make him say what he really wanted to say because alcohol and nudging were the only ways she'd found to get him talking. That and crossbow practice, but the time in the woods had been a lot less words and a lot more learning what his eyes felt like when he was watching her move.

                Beth extended her left leg until it nudged his, just a small push to get him going again. He tensed, looking ready to run or lunge or both, she wasn't sure. To tell the truth, Beth wasn't sure she could tell the difference between the two, and the latter option both frightened and thrilled her. Withdrawing just an inch she began tapping her foot as quietly as possible, just close enough she wouldn't brush his foot but still so close there was hardly room apart.

                A few minutes passed before Daryl reached forward and grabbed her ankle. No, grabbed was a harsh word, his hand settled down on her ankle to still her tapping foot. He was leaning forward again, arm extended fully so he didn't have to lean too close. Beth looked from his hand on her ankle to his face, trying to read what she saw there. Daryl was hard to read, every emotion there in his eyes instead of on his face when he got this quiet and still. Yet, he felt things so strongly, she had learned, that reading those emotions was like standing in front of that burning cabin and trying to pick out each individual shade of red, orange and yellow. It was practically impossible unless you wanted to get so close your skin began to burn from the heat and grow red as the flames, slicked with sweat, so close-

                "Gonna bring walkers with all that noise."

                She was 'gonna' stab him in the foot. Truly the idea was even better than burning down another house. Again she was stopped by the following idea of Rick balking at her actions. He'd probably make her be the one giving a 'serious piggyback ride' instead of Daryl if she did so. Oh her Daddy was probably throwing a fit in Heaven at her train of thought. Beth wouldn't be surprised if a Bible being used as a bird nest in the porch rafters fell down and knocked her in the forehead.

                "Sorry," Beth whispered, leaning forward to put her hand over his in a gesture he could analyze as apologetic if he wanted to.

                Daryl looked down at her hand, his settled over her ankle tightening a bit into an actual grip wrapping around the slender joint. He squeezed once and let go, drawing his hand back from under hers slowly as he leaned back again.

                His shoulders shrugged, eyes locking onto hers with that look. "S'okay." Daryl looked away, gaze flickering to the fence line in search of walkers, or something better to look at than her she supposed. Setting a small frown on her face she leaned back as well, turning her head to gaze at the fence. A few of the houses down the street would look really pretty burning in the night.

 


	4. Chapter 4

               They were going north.

               That was about the only current direction they had to rely on. Everything was about going north. With every detour and reroute the question would arise again- how do we get further north? Eventually they’d have to start taking actual direction and find a real path towards Noah’s old home, but that seemed a lifetime from now to Beth.

               Every day dawned a new draw on her patience. She was tired of Noah hovering, tired of Maggie hovering, tired of Michonne and Rick watching, and most of all tired of playing back and forth with Daryl.

               Things had been far simpler at the funeral home. In ways she hadn’t imagined she could at the time, she missed being on their own. They could have made it, just her and Daryl and maybe a stubborn dog. Yes, Beth often told herself, they could have made it. Maybe the keeper of the funeral home would have come around. He- or she- could have been a new friend. They would fortify a bit, but the small numbers wouldn’t draw too much attention from walkers.

               Possibly a garden could have been grown from the soil out back. They could have made it.

               Beth thought about it so often that she was surprised the following thoughts always took so long to reach her. After that comforting warmth at the images of a candle lit house with a piano and the kind of dinner her momma would have thrown a fit over whilst sharing glances and stolen moments across a rickety old table, the dark would return. She’d remember other groups with guns and knives and bad ideas. She’d remember fanatics and end of the world cops without honor. They were doomed from the start.

               It was like Daryl told her; the good ones don’t make it. And no matter what he said, they were both- or at least had been- so impeccably good. They still were, she had to remind herself. They were still good.

               Good, Beth had now learned after Grady, was not what she remembered. Good and bad, those were things you rarely saw in the world before the world ended. Anyone could cover up good under dirt and harsh actions. Anyone could cover up evil with a badge or a kind smile or a nice appearance façade. When the need for such nuisances as saving face and keeping up appearances was gone- well who the hell cared if you showed who you really were underneath it all?

               She could imagine it, the world still going strong and her going to college in Atlanta. Maybe she was driving one night and her car broke down. Beth gets out her phone, no idea who to call but thinking about that nice boy her sister had been dating casually. She’d struggle to remember his phone number and her sister- of course- wouldn’t be answering her phone. So Beth would be just about to call a tow-truck when a police car pulls up. Out gets an officer with a wide smile who looks her over then her car and back between the two before offering his help with an oh so kind smile. Beth would thank him graciously, and step aside so he could take a look.

               There might be a tingle at the back of her neck, a buzz at the back of her mind telling her to be wary. But of course she’d ignore it because the sheriff at home had been so kind and his deputies all the best sorts of people. So she had little reason not to trust the cop looking at her engine and telling her some part of her car that a wandering mechanic passing through Atlanta doing a few odd jobs at the garage a few streets over with his brother might have been able to fix. But the officer would reach into her car, messing with a few things before closing the hood and looming over her as he tells her to try and start it.

               She’d read his name tag after her car starts, thanking nice Officer Gorman for helping her and shaking his offered hand. She’d think nothing of it when he held on too long to the handshake even though her stomach would twist a little nervously because a small town girl isn’t used to these weird city folk. With a glance toward his car she’d see his dark haired partner with a harsh bun glaring at them or just her or just him. Why, Beth wouldn’t question much except that night in her dorm room bed wondering why that lady cop was glaring at _her_? Had she done something wrong? Was she being too friendly? Had she accidentally looked like she was flirting with the officer?

               Then she’d never think of it again past a wandering thought whenever seeing a police car for the next few weeks. The whole experience would have been eventually a lost memory.

               “If only the world hadn’t ended.”

               Beth’s eyes shot open, her heart pounding a fast tempo beat in her chest and throat loud enough in her ears to draw walkers. For a moment, Gorman’s face is looming about her, smiling as her extends a hand for her to shake and she almost reaches out.

               She’s going crazy, that’s the only excuse for all this. The past few weeks had been a splattering of ghost sightings. There was O’Donnell and Gorman, her father and even Lori, never her mother or brother or even Jimmy or Zach. Beth figured it was just people she’d killed or thought she’d failed. But then there was the fact she also kept seeing herself.

               That was the most terrifying part. Beth could almost stand seeing dead people, but seeing a reflection of her living self, a wild feral part that did what it wanted and took no shame in it or in repeatedly reminding her about Grady.

               _“You can’t go back.”_

               Staring at the stars Beth tried to block out the whisper, knowing if she turned her head she’d see herself at the tree line. After a minute she did just that, looking past Maggie and Glenn to her left and towards herself just visible at the edge of the firelight. Tonight she had a crossbow in hand, staring out at the trees. It took a moment for feral Beth to look back at her, grinning wildly as she pointed out into the trees- toward the south.

               “You can’t go back, but people like them are everywhere.” Her gaze was burning, making Beth want to writhe and rub the feel of it off her skin. Was this what Rick felt like when he started seeing things? “And you’ll let them get away with it all over again. Weak.”

               In the time it took Beth to blink she was gone. She was exhausted, but every muscle in her body was now tense and her mind as alert as it could be on so little sleep.

               Beth swiveled her head around to the right instead, looking around for someone on guard. Well, there’s certainly someone on guard but he’s not guarding by the looks of it.

               Daryl only stares back for a few seconds before looking away. At least he looked at her, she supposed, or was watching her- even better. The first few hours back together curled on the couch had been bliss. But then he’d withdrawn so fast it had nearly given her whiplash.

               It had to be a combination of two things, Beth had decided. One, Grady- either he didn’t want anything to do with her after what she’d done and what had been done to her or he felt he’d failed her in some way and was still wallowing in his own guilt and self-pity. She desperately hoped for the latter. Two, the eyes of the group didn’t help. He likely didn’t want to be judged. Before the world ended they would have been an impossible pairing. No one would have seen it coming and no one she could think of would have approved.

               Well… in Maggie’s rebellious years she certainly might have approved if Beth hadn’t been their Daddy’s sweet little girl. But more than likely she would have turned on her protective side sooner than rather than later. Daddy however, Beth had spent more time than she really needed to thinking about what her father would have said. In the end she’d come to the conclusion that he would have approved, in either the living world or the dead- but especially this current dead world.

              Eventually in the living world he would have come to see it, or maybe he’d have seen it straight away, but her Daddy would have made his way through the many layers of Daryl far faster than she had because her mama- in all her disapproval- would have analyzed every moment of the poor archer’s life from the moment she laid eyes on him and relayed it right back to her Daddy. Mama was smart like that, disapproving no doubt because nobody was good enough for her daughter, not even the best man in Beth’s eyes to survive the apocalypse, but oh was she good at knowing a person’s life story by looking at them. Mama would have knocked sense into her husband far before Shane came along shooting off his gun and his mouth.

             But despite whether the dead would have approved or disapproved, the living still hadn’t made up their minds. And they were watching both Beth and Daryl to figure out exactly what happened and what was going on.

             Beth sat up, ready to go and talk to him. The other guards on rotation were a bit farther off into the night, ever diligent for walkers and not having the time to go listening on private conversations when danger lurked all about. Everyone else was asleep, the long road north wearing on all of them.

             “Hey,” She whispered as she stood, starting to walk towards him, maneuvering around a sleeping Noah to her right. He really did need to stop hovering. She could take care of herself as she had proven.

             Daryl glanced at her, nodding his head in silent acknowledgement. Beth resisted rolling her eyes.

             “Is everything okay?”

             “Should be asking you that,” He mumbled in reply, eyes scanning the trees for trouble. "Thought a herd of walkers was about to come stumblin’ through those trees the way you were lookin’ at ‘em.”

             So he’d been watching that long then? “Watching me while I was sleeping?”

             “Poor excuse for sleep havin’ your eyes open.”

             Beth fought down a grin, still letting the tips of her mouth turn up in amusement. “Before that.”

             “Know what you meant.”

             It was his silent way of asking what was wrong, Beth knew this. He was just avoiding actually asking the question itself. He was diverting, but so was she. “Then why-,”

             A low whistle sounded from the other side of camp, sounding like a poor excuse for a bird call. Tyrese waved his arms in the air from a few feet into the trees, catching their attention as he made his way back to camp.

             Walkers- damn them all. She moved quickly to start waking their sleeping comrades, trying to ignore herself whispering in her ear- telling her to stop running and fight the problem head on.

             “Shut up,” She muttered to her own shadow, seeing the other Beth dissipate in her peripheral. When she caught Daryl’s eyes watching her a moment later, she figured he’d guessed it- but Beth was doubtful he’d ever bring it up without running a few extra circles to avoid the question itself first.

             That wouldn’t happen unless they ever got an actual moment alone again. She sighed, watching the stumbling shadows making their ways through the trees as the group made it to the road, splitting off into the cars. Beth made sure to at least get in the same car as Daryl so when they stopped she’d be able to follow along somewhat quickly when he disappeared to scout the woods when they stopped again. Of course, someone else would probably offer to go alone- and watch them. Then Daryl would get to grumbling about too many people and too much noise and if the whole group was going to tag along he might as well just go alone to which Rick would appear and agree and Beth would once again feel the need to burn down a house.

             Her patience was wearing incredibly thin.


	5. Ghost

               Sasha was a saint.

               Walkers on the other hand were demons stumbling about on Earth with the sole purpose in their vacant minds of interrupting Beth’s efforts.

               They weren’t far from Noah’s home. The civilization he spoke of was becoming realer, kindling added as Beth’s hopes of connecting with Daryl dwindled to embers. She was sulking, trying to ignore her ghosts trailing about her. They haunted her, following her around and appearing where she least needed them too. It was hard to tell when to kill something. She couldn’t just go stabbing a hallucination and end up swinging at air. But then again, she also couldn’t afford to ignore it and have it actually be a walker she lets too close and then no more Beth.

               In a few days they’d arrive as long as nothing went wrong. Beth was nervous about what would happen if the place was still up and running. Would everyone split up? Would they stick together? It wouldn’t be like the prison of course, nothing else would be. No more sleeping in the cell next to each other or on the floor side by side, always close to someone. She could end up far away, like way back at the farm when Daryl started camping away from the group. Still in sight, but just far enough to be out of reach.

               Sasha was the one to give her some form of mercy.

               The group was taking a break, the heat starting to wear down on them. Daryl stood, swooping to pick up his crossbow and heft it over a shoulder. His eyes swept across the group, landing on Beth. She stood immediately, moving towards him as Maggie stiffened, eyes darting between them.

               “Beth?”

               She flashed her sister a smile and turned to Daryl, “Mind continuing those crossbow lessons? I can just watch if you were wanting to hunt.”  
               “Just gonna go look for a stream or somethin’ nearby.” He muttered.

               Maggie started to shift to stand when Sasha hopped to her feet. “I’ll go with you two,” She told them, slinging her rifle onto one shoulder with an easy smile. “I promise not to make too much noise, but I’m not as quiet as you two in the woods.”

               “Practice,” Beth tells her with a tight smile in reply.

               The three depart into the woods, Beth fingering the knife at her side with an annoyed tap along the hilt. When they’re out of sight and hearing range from the group Sasha asks, “Any clue where water might be?”

               Daryl looks down at Beth, one brow lifting in waiting. She hasn’t been paying attention to tracking anything, more focused on following the way he steps to further lessen the noise she makes. Not to mention staring at his feet and the ground keeps her from seeing people in the trees.

               “Um…” Her eyes scan the ground, observing what she can see. There ground is pretty dry, but not as much as where they came from at camp. “We’re closer than we were…” She’s still looking, catching sight of a few paw prints in the dirt, “a few animal tracks are headed that way.” She points forward to the left, waiting for him to nod to drop her arm.

               Sasha nods, starting in that direction. “Why don’t you two try to find some food? I’ll go find the water.”

               “We shouldn’t split up,” Beth replies immediately without thinking.

               The older woman looks back over her shoulder, a sad smile on her face. “I’m fine. You two get those lessons in.”

               Beth was sad to hear Bob had died, the feeling growing worse when she learned that before his death Sasha and Bob had become a couple. Beth couldn’t say she’d seen it coming, but she’d not gotten a lot of time to get to know Bob, never seen him hanging around Sasha much before everything started going wrong. The sickness started and then the prison fell and Beth never saw Bob again.

               It was always sad to lose a member of the family. Even when they were all sure to die eventually, Beth could always hold some hope that they’d make it somewhere and settle for the long run. She’d hope even as she lost all hope. It wouldn’t kill her to have just a _little_ faith after all.

               Sasha is sauntering off, one hand resting idly on the strap of her rifle as she moves through the trees. Beth and Daryl hover in silence, neither looking at the other for a long moment. Finally he shifts, extending his arm to her with the crossbow gripped in one hand held out to her. Beth takes it carefully, wary that it’s still a bit large and heavy for her- always will be most likely. She makes a mental note to find another somewhere when she can.

               Hefting into position, Beth waits for instruction. There is none of course. She rolls her eyes, starting forward with the bow slightly lowered as she searches for a target or tracks. A movement to her right along one of the trees catches her attention. The squirrel freezes mid climb, looking about for predators. Beth lifts up the bow, aiming and firing quickly. The arrow flies, landing just to the right of the tiny creature that darts up the tree and out of sight.

               Beth sighs, going after the arrow as Daryl follows silently. She can feel his eyes on her, familiar of a time they’ve lost.

               “Are you going to say anything?”

               “Remember the wind.” He replies gruffly.

               Her eyes roll hard, shooting him an impatient look. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

               Beth has her eyes on a set of tracks, they’re faint, but the soil is better here. It molds every few feet to a light track she can find since she knows what to look for. She suspects it’s a rabbit, but the only sure way to know is to ask. A good conversation starter, but talkative Daryl is not. 

               “I’ve hardly any patience after the past few weeks.” Beth reminds him quietly. There’s a rustle in the bushes. Walkers.

               She swings around, firing as she catches sight of movement. The bird falls with a thud to the ground, wings still splayed out. Beth is stunned, staring at the dead creature for a moment before turning to Daryl with a grin leaning on one hip. “Well look at that.”

               “Beginner’s luck,” His tone is rough but Daryl has a small smile that reaches his eyes. “You’re aiming better, faster too.” 

               “I guess I’m just a natural,” Beth is grinning too wide, happy for the first time in days because they’re finally alone and she’s made him smile. She’s actually made him smile and he’s darting a hand up to brush his thumb over his mouth. It’s a nervous tick she’s seen before when he’s trying to brush away something he’s nervous for others to see. Beth has the urge to grab his hand and stop him so she can keep seeing him smile. “And I’ve got a good teacher.”

               Taking a step closer, Beth sobers her smile. She’s peering up at him, close but not too close. She doesn’t want him shying away when they’ve finally got alone time. “Daryl…”

               “Beth-,”

               She can tell his tone immediately and hates it, “Nu-uh. I can tell what you’re about to say and no. No sir, Daryl Dixon. No running.”

               He sighs, heavily, long suffering, shoulders sagging a bit. “The group… Don’t want them thinking…”

               Beth can’t help but thank God silently that his excuse is the group rather than her. “The group is only nervous cause we’re acting so weird. They were fine the first night y’all got me back weren’t they?”

               He doesn’t have a response for that, eyes always moving, never pausing even as they sweep over her.

               “That’s what  I thought,” Beth huffs. “Is it…” She can’t help her insecurities at this, “Is it what happened at Grady?”

               Daryl freezes, gaze locking on hers. There’s fury there and she almost flinches at the intensity of it. “No. I don’t- nothin’ that happened there is your fault. Doesn’t matter who you killed or why. No one here is gonna question you on that.”

               The fact he doesn’t even mention the rest is a balm to the worries that have been addling her mind. “Then what is it?”

               “Will you just grab the damn bird so we can keep movin?”

               Does he plan on them having another moonshine cabin screaming match in the middle of the woods, because she’s up for it if that’s what it’ll take to get them back to normal. “This is the first time we’ve been alone in weeks! We need to talk. What happened before… what happened before Grady… that was…” She’s at a loss for words. “I can’t even describe it. It felt right. It felt like home, the kind of home you can take with you can carry around. You know?”

               He does know, she can tell, but whether he’ll admit it is another thing. She needs candle light and moonshine and a dead house and a burning one all at once to get the whole confession out of him doesn’t she? As always, Rick would balk at her opinion of a good idea at times like these.

              They’re alone and they’re still miles apart.

              “Daryl, back at the funeral home, we were getting close to somethin’ weren’t we?” Beth nudges ever so gently forward. “Please, talk to me?”

              He doesn’t speak, just reaches out and hugs her out of nowhere. The crossbow is awkwardly handing off to the side, half on the ground as she tries to keep a grip on it with one hand and wiggle the other arm enough to get it somewhat around him in return.

              Beth relaxes, breathing in as she closes her eyes and feels his vest rub against her scarred cheek. Even after weeks of not being around an engine she still imagines he’s got the smell of motor oil and gasoline on him. Maybe it’s just soaked into his vest like the coppery smell of blood that’s been washed away. There’s dirt and trees and something distinctly him and it’s all just _Daryl_. She could half imagine he’s just another ghost.

              But she can feel him. He’s not air. Daryl is solid, warm, and breathing. He’s alive.

              “I don’t wanna lose you.” He says into her hair, arms tightening around her form.

              She doesn’t mind in the slightest. “I don’t want to lose you either.” She squeezes back as much as she can.

 _“You can’t go back._ ”                       

              Beth’s eyes snap open, breath stilling as she listens. There’s a sound on the wind as it’s just switched directions. Daryl is still too, head lifting slightly.

              “Walkers,” they both say. Beth is handing off the crossbow, grabbing for her knife, as they both set off running. They can’t tell where the dead have come from, but they’re now standing between the two and their camp. Hopefully they haven’t just plowed through there. It’s unlikely they wouldn’t have heard at least a gunshot or too before the camp fell though. So the others must be okay.

              There are only a dozen or so. If Sasha were with them it wouldn’t have been too hard a job. As is it’s a risk. So they run, heading for the direction Sasha should be. Beth curses the walkers silently, stabbing them with extra vigor whenever one stray crosses their path close to her.


End file.
